'Back to school' shopping guide

Plush STDs

If you’re unfortunate enough to contract an STD at school, you’ll probably have to get used to sleeping alone. But just because you’ve got the unscratchable itch doesn’t mean you don’t deserve a little comfort at night! Keep yourself company with a plush version of your own venereal disease. Available in Chlamydia, Herpes, the Clap and Syphilis, they’re perfect for cuddling and drying your salty, salty tears.

Price: $29.95 (set of four). Buy it here.